Umm Read, they're good-ish :I

I wonder if your thoughts turn to me
As often as mine to you
And if indeed thay happen to
And if my image
Should flit across your mind
Before your very eyes
I cant help but wonder at the expression on your face
One of Love
Or hate?
Of regret
Maybe pain

Remember when we used to be friends?
Just you and I
Back in the good old days
But then we grew up
And you and I were nothing but a phase


The past was a nightmare
The present is divine
But still I find myself
Wishing I could turn back time

Tricks of the mind

I always thought

That I was a realistic girl

I trust in my eyes

Forget what you want to see

And look instead to see what is there

So imagine my suprise to return years later

To find

What i thought was truth before

was merely an illusion

Settled in my mind like a fact

Waiting till one day i chose to look back

To find an illusion

better yet

A mirage resting there

The hurricane known as Us

Explosions and rainbows and no silences occur

We fill in each others words

We're so fast

We're a blur

Can't stop us at all

So very immature

Seperated we were amazing

Each a tightly bound

Package of a rare material

We like to call controlled chaos

But together....

We are like an explosion of juice

Of love and rocks

And a bunch of other stuff that doesn't seem like it belongs

But strangely enough does

And nothing can hold us

Though these fools still build their walls

We break them down

So we can laugh and jump and spin

And laugh at the mess we've created

Music

I like my music loud
So what if i cant hear my thoughts
Maybe thats the point
Maybe i dont want to hear me
Or the world
Maybe I wish you would all shut up

Or I could just love the sound
The way i feel when the music is loud
Like there's nothing but me
Me and the beat

I Might think the music is like a book
An escape from this unwanted reality
And in that short time he's singing my song
I find my self immersed and never wanting to leave

It's possible that the music is one big hug
The louder I play it the tighter it it gets
And the feeling that i am loved forms
I could listen for days
The song won't ever stop
We'll never step away from this embrace

I like my music loud
Today I found my self wondering why

Ignore me i'm being a melodramatic fool at the moment :]

It's funny how you say your different
But you and him
You both act the same
Despite not looking alike at all
I could swear you were twins
It's funny how you both want the same thing
It's funny how you can make me laugh
Make my smile so wide
Then turn around and make me cry
By it's funny how
I mean miserable
And heartbreakingly sad
Yeah that sound your hearing
Sound of my heart breaking
Tears pouring
Why do i feel like i'm dying?
I don't think i can live through this again
Hopefully the next one
Is nothing like you or him...


It's happening again
This time I know enough
To read the signs
In between the lines
Your showing the symptoms
I can tell you want to leave
And I don't know why
I thought for once
I was doing everything right
Turns out
Yet again
I was wrong

I dont know ;]

They follow you

A trail behind your back

And you worry

That they'll see through you

Driving you wild

Destroying your mind

Always following at your sides

Incriminating you at every turn

Like attached to you

Is a Guilty sign

They grow uncontrollable

The twisted children of your mind

You poor soul

Why did you ever unleash

Upon the world

Your little white lies

Things I wish I knew back then

You're playing a dangerous game
Acting so grown
Just a lil girl
Quivering in her high heels
Hiding beneath your makeup
Remember that you've been warned
About how dangerous it is
to run with the big dogs
Maybe one day you'll come running to me
I'll keep my I told you so's to myself
And I'll wish that I wasn't so right all the time
Then we could sit together
Like old times
Sit and play cards


I don't want to grow up
Lets make a pact
Pinkies intact
Like peter pan
To remain forever
A child


Couldn't wait to grow up
When I was a child
Could wait to show off
When I was a child
Went around pretending I was grown
When I was a child
Missed out on childhood
When I was a child
When I'm older looking back at this
I know I'll laugh and say
There's that poem I wrote
When I was a child

A contradiction

We start out like blocks of clay

Ready to be molded

Be sculpted

By our experiences

All we've been through

Helps us grow

But does not define us

Unlike Clay

We can refuse to be twisted

No matter how hard they tug and pull

What way we're being pushed

We have freedom of will

Inevitable

I Lived most my life without you
I turned out fine
Never made the mistake of thinking
You were mine
To have for eternity
That you'd never leave
Of course not
I'm not dumb
Lived life long enough to know
Everything at some time ends


No matter how much I wish
You would stay
At some point
Like All the others
You will run away

I can stop
You can drop
Of the face of the earth
I wont shed a tear
I dont need you
My new mantra
Echoing inside my head
I will repeat it
Till I believe it
Till it's true
And I truly no longer
Need you

Ramblingss from my subconscious ;]

Its not fair
Everyone is changing
Yet i remain the same
Like nature has forgotten
To change me
From a bud to a rose
My mentality remains the same
Even as i grow taller
Despite all efforts, inside
I remain a child

You slipped in unnoticed
Into my life
I dont know when you got here but
I would notice if you left

Found some poems i wrote a while back, i was....angry

I gave you everything you asked for
And asked nothing in return
In the end you left anyway
Heartbroken as i was
Some lessons you only have to learn once
Sometimes
people don't deserve a second chance
But like an idiot
I ask if we can try this again
I wonder how many time i have to learn this lesson
Before it finally sinks in


Will i always be seen this way?
its like im a welcome mat
yeah welcome home
wipe your feet
Why the hell would i mind dirt on my face
Of course i love being stepped all over
Till i'm muddy, filthy
And of course you want someone-
I mean "something" newer
No i dont mind
Choose another girl and
Start the cycle again


Because I will always be here
You can ignore me for the time being
But when there's no one else left
And I'm your only option
You choose to see me

My daydreams are filled with

you and me flying

in a sea of marshmellows

I know

reality will never be this fun

I like the dream like quality of your movement

even when your falling

you are such a

graceful clutz

Going through life dreaming

is proving more fun

than reality

Because it's raining and my heart's bleeding words

A bird with a broken beak
Kept only out of pity
Locked in a caged and stared upon
You picked me cause no one else would
Because your heart is nice and good
But everyone else has a a bird so pretty
I am ugly kept only out out pity
And you tire of me
Even your kind heart cant take it
You want a pretty colorful bird like everyone else
I am set free
It wasn't that hard
I'll fly off
And wont bother you again
The longer you kept me
The more attached i grew
Sad knowing it would end soon
Knowing i was nothing but a bird kept out of pity




My insecurities only fly by night
if i set them free in the light
they run back scared that
they will be seen
and no longer so well hidden
only at night i let my insecurities fly
my insecurities and i
are shy



i walk around
all smiles
so happy and nonchalant
beneath the surface
my facade starts to crack
been wearing this smile for so long
that it hurts
and i keep quiet and let you speak
hiding so well
the outrage beneath
after all
I'm nothing but a small shy girl
with no opinions of my own
no voice with which
i could yell

I was supposed to grow out of these fears
But i haven't
It was supposed to be just a phase
But its not
Hate to burst your bubble
But you were wrong


confusion is a
permanent state of being
for me at this time

Current state of mind

Wow I was looking back on the blog and remember that story i never got to writing? the one about Faeries?....well im still not writing it xD
Still a firm believer in the Fey though ;3

I'm sad everyone's gone...this may be my last post but probably not since I love to write and put things on here so yeah disregard that Its sooo not my last post because my imaginary friend reads this mhmk I'll tell you bout him when i make him up. I might write a story...i want to tell a story but I've used up my imagination i think. Thats why my imaginary friend will help. Don't tell me it doesnt make sense believe me I already know. So nevermind no story...just poems
It seems like all i can do mhmkayy baii now imaginary people

Chameleon

I am a hot pink chameleon
I don't blend in like the rest
Something must be broken
'Cause I'm so alarmingly bright
Always standing out
I'm the first one predators see
My reflexes aren't as good
I never learned to hide myself
Only to show my true colors
Even if its hot pink
And never lets me hide


Yeah this is me in high school you know? ;3


When i look at you I see
The son of a bright pink and orange
The marriage of a pulsating neon green
and extravagant yellow
With so brown at blacks at the sides
your hidden sadness
You are the colors of a bright mutated rainbow
Better than the original
You are amazing

Looking back

Well It's been a while since i've expressed myself out of poetry format but I'm willing to give it a try. Lately i've wrote about friendship's differences and change. All those come from experiences in my life that I've been going through recently.

Let's start with change; change is everywhere and it can be good or bad. Me I had an aversion to change because I loved how things were and I was familiar with it. It didnt seem fair for me to have to leave all that behind. It wasn't but life isn't fair. I was handed lemons and told to make lemonade (okay I'll stop with the cliches now) And for a while I didnt even try I looked at those lemons and was completely clueless so I tossed them to the ground spat on them and walked away.

I spent most of the first month comparing what I lost and what I now had and I came to the conclusion that what I lost was so much more (I still sorta feel that way) In that first month I couldn't write at all as much I wanted to express how I felt when i put it on paper it just didnt look right it was like nothing could capture how I felt.

I can write about it now because once I had time to reflect I saw that my real fear was that everyone I left behind would forget me after years spent together and that these new people wouldnt understand me that I'd be left with no one.

Well all that changed during the second month when I began school I made friends on my first day who invited me to sit with them at lunch and pretty soon I had a group of people I hung with and waved to in the halls and gave hugs to, people who invited me to parties and treated me like I'd been there since the beggining of forever.

I realized that these people didnt have fangs that they were as human as the friends I left behind and I felt so much happier. What made me happier is that I haven't been forgotten everyone still calls and clues me in and my friends remain my friends.

( Bleh I'm not good at this sorta thing i think i'll stick to my poems)

My check-in

Hey people who read this blog (-5 people), I'm... checking in. So, does anyone remember our 'This I Believe' essays? I do. This is all coming to me as I'm writing (plus probably a little editing at the end) soo... just kinda go along with my informal 'This I Believe'... paragraph.



Today, I read a very very wise thing. I read that (basically... I'm not actually going to quote this) there is a time to reflect and there is a time to recover, and that they are normally two separate times (check out our Humanities teachers' blog). I believe in recovery and reflection.



At night, I often lay in bed and think about my day, start to finish. I think about all the embarrassing moments in my day and all the generally stupid things with bad outcomes that I've done, and what I can learn from them. I learn some pretty interesting things. Today actually, I learned that even when you're going on the elevator and then straight into the pool, you should be fully dressed anyway because you never know when you're going to be stuck in there with a creepy guy all the way down, and you also never know when the pool is going to be closed, and you never know when you're going to be stuck in an elevator with the same creepy guy because he forgot his phone. You never know.



Anyway, what I've realized is that recovery and reflection are some of the most important things you can do in your life. I live in the the moment (I know this sounds totally random, but wait a second, I have a point!), very in the moment. It often leads to me being totally embarrassed by myself in the past when I reflect on it. If I think of my last two 'This I Believe' essays, I still get slightly embarrassed, because now, the future-almost-sophomore year Rosemary looks back at the little eighth grade Rosie, and thinks about how ridiculous she was. But if I really think about it a bit more, I realize that I wasn't ridiculous... I was just acting in the moment. Recovering and reflecting also allows me to pull the lessons I need for life out of my past without being angry at the people and situations that gave me these outcomes.

Basically, what I'm trying to say here is that everyone who reads this (-5 people) should think about what they've done today, how it affects them and anyone else who was with them, and then go back even farther and try and see how different situations in your life have affected you and others. That's all.

Speaking of the past, my present is way cooler. WAY COOLER. I have some amazing close friends, and tons of awesome acquaintances. Everyone I meet has a great attitude and accepts me for my real, raw self (very little of me is uncensored. I say what I want and what I mean, and I do the things that I want to do. I'm a recipe for disaster, I know, but I have very little negativity, so it's great.). I am still single, but it's not because I don't want to be and just can't seem to get out of that situation, I'm actually just okay with it. I was so overwhelmed by friends and amazing people that I felt like my life was full. I'm still getting A's in all my classes, but I'm somehow not a nerd. Right now, I'm in Puerto Rico with one of my amazing close friends, but I can't wait to come home (Amherst home) and I can't wait for school to start.

it began last year. i was totally mixed up a new place new people, lots and lots of new people. my mantra at the time was:
relashionships waste precious time to be used studying.
hehe well it got into the middle of the yearand despite my mantra i got a fuzzy feeling everytime you said hi to me n the halls. i got depressed when i didnt se you on the way to english from wold history. i convinced my self that it must just be a passing fancy like rhoda-chan. a really long passing fancy.
i love you. my dear anthony.

Because your weird and I love you anyway

Our song

You like a sweet lyrical croon

She waltz to a wordless song

They bang heads to screams of doom

We each come

With something new

Then proceed to

Transcend genres

Ignoring borders

As different as we are

We continue to harmonize

Hear me Hear me

I'd like to propose a toast

A toast to you

A toast to me

And to the differences in between

You are an individual

I am unique

We are exactly alike

Just like a tree and a bee

A circle and square

And other things completely different

Celebrating our differences

A toast to you

A toast to me

I am me

And you are you

Simply because we want to

And we define ourselves

Why would we leave that to someone else?

And the definitions have changed over the years

We've written in and crossed out

Fears and tears

But also Joy and love

And the one thing that hasn't changed

I remain in yours

You remain in mine

Hopefully till the end of time

Change

It was the Raindrop

The water was still and calm
It stayed very much the same
That is until
It began to rain
I blame the first raindrop
Which caused the ripple
It bears the blame
For the beginning of the catalyst
The beginning of change

I fear

We are going different ways
Although i'd like to stay the same
Involuntary as it is
I fear i've begun to change
I fear you are nowhere to be found
I fear we tread different paths
And it seems they're no crossroads
I fear we'll go our separate ways
I fear we'll say our goodbyes
And at the root of it all
I fear we've begun to change
And will never be the same

i totally forgot..

i dont think anyone even reads this... maybe the random passer by...

Man its been awhile.

Food for thought

Internal Conflict

I stopped crying a while ago
Now instead i write
Each letter a tear
Each word a sob
My tears,
But tears dont move you
So instead i write
Why you ask
To make you feel
Where is your compassion?
Dont you care?
And why do you pretend
Not to hear my sobs of pain
Of agony of fear
Why do you want to pretend that im normal,
That theres nothing wrong
Why keep me bottled up
When you know
And why dont you want people to know,
To see me
Why are you ashamed ?

An uknown question

Violence is not the answer
Please do not say it is the solution
What can it solve
Only the wrong question

Unfinished simile

Like the stars to the moon
Not knowing together they could
Be greater they could overpower
And become the new moon
And the old moon would cry and break
Becoming new stars
And should night be lighter; with all this new aroud?
No it seems to darken even more
The stars a new ruthless moon
The moon servile as the stars were
The switching of rulers changes nothing
For someone is still ruling
And people are still being ruled