Looking back

Well It's been a while since i've expressed myself out of poetry format but I'm willing to give it a try. Lately i've wrote about friendship's differences and change. All those come from experiences in my life that I've been going through recently.

Let's start with change; change is everywhere and it can be good or bad. Me I had an aversion to change because I loved how things were and I was familiar with it. It didnt seem fair for me to have to leave all that behind. It wasn't but life isn't fair. I was handed lemons and told to make lemonade (okay I'll stop with the cliches now) And for a while I didnt even try I looked at those lemons and was completely clueless so I tossed them to the ground spat on them and walked away.

I spent most of the first month comparing what I lost and what I now had and I came to the conclusion that what I lost was so much more (I still sorta feel that way) In that first month I couldn't write at all as much I wanted to express how I felt when i put it on paper it just didnt look right it was like nothing could capture how I felt.

I can write about it now because once I had time to reflect I saw that my real fear was that everyone I left behind would forget me after years spent together and that these new people wouldnt understand me that I'd be left with no one.

Well all that changed during the second month when I began school I made friends on my first day who invited me to sit with them at lunch and pretty soon I had a group of people I hung with and waved to in the halls and gave hugs to, people who invited me to parties and treated me like I'd been there since the beggining of forever.

I realized that these people didnt have fangs that they were as human as the friends I left behind and I felt so much happier. What made me happier is that I haven't been forgotten everyone still calls and clues me in and my friends remain my friends.

( Bleh I'm not good at this sorta thing i think i'll stick to my poems)

My check-in

Hey people who read this blog (-5 people), I'm... checking in. So, does anyone remember our 'This I Believe' essays? I do. This is all coming to me as I'm writing (plus probably a little editing at the end) soo... just kinda go along with my informal 'This I Believe'... paragraph.



Today, I read a very very wise thing. I read that (basically... I'm not actually going to quote this) there is a time to reflect and there is a time to recover, and that they are normally two separate times (check out our Humanities teachers' blog). I believe in recovery and reflection.



At night, I often lay in bed and think about my day, start to finish. I think about all the embarrassing moments in my day and all the generally stupid things with bad outcomes that I've done, and what I can learn from them. I learn some pretty interesting things. Today actually, I learned that even when you're going on the elevator and then straight into the pool, you should be fully dressed anyway because you never know when you're going to be stuck in there with a creepy guy all the way down, and you also never know when the pool is going to be closed, and you never know when you're going to be stuck in an elevator with the same creepy guy because he forgot his phone. You never know.



Anyway, what I've realized is that recovery and reflection are some of the most important things you can do in your life. I live in the the moment (I know this sounds totally random, but wait a second, I have a point!), very in the moment. It often leads to me being totally embarrassed by myself in the past when I reflect on it. If I think of my last two 'This I Believe' essays, I still get slightly embarrassed, because now, the future-almost-sophomore year Rosemary looks back at the little eighth grade Rosie, and thinks about how ridiculous she was. But if I really think about it a bit more, I realize that I wasn't ridiculous... I was just acting in the moment. Recovering and reflecting also allows me to pull the lessons I need for life out of my past without being angry at the people and situations that gave me these outcomes.

Basically, what I'm trying to say here is that everyone who reads this (-5 people) should think about what they've done today, how it affects them and anyone else who was with them, and then go back even farther and try and see how different situations in your life have affected you and others. That's all.

Speaking of the past, my present is way cooler. WAY COOLER. I have some amazing close friends, and tons of awesome acquaintances. Everyone I meet has a great attitude and accepts me for my real, raw self (very little of me is uncensored. I say what I want and what I mean, and I do the things that I want to do. I'm a recipe for disaster, I know, but I have very little negativity, so it's great.). I am still single, but it's not because I don't want to be and just can't seem to get out of that situation, I'm actually just okay with it. I was so overwhelmed by friends and amazing people that I felt like my life was full. I'm still getting A's in all my classes, but I'm somehow not a nerd. Right now, I'm in Puerto Rico with one of my amazing close friends, but I can't wait to come home (Amherst home) and I can't wait for school to start.

it began last year. i was totally mixed up a new place new people, lots and lots of new people. my mantra at the time was:
relashionships waste precious time to be used studying.
hehe well it got into the middle of the yearand despite my mantra i got a fuzzy feeling everytime you said hi to me n the halls. i got depressed when i didnt se you on the way to english from wold history. i convinced my self that it must just be a passing fancy like rhoda-chan. a really long passing fancy.
i love you. my dear anthony.

Because your weird and I love you anyway

Our song

You like a sweet lyrical croon

She waltz to a wordless song

They bang heads to screams of doom

We each come

With something new

Then proceed to

Transcend genres

Ignoring borders

As different as we are

We continue to harmonize

Hear me Hear me

I'd like to propose a toast

A toast to you

A toast to me

And to the differences in between

You are an individual

I am unique

We are exactly alike

Just like a tree and a bee

A circle and square

And other things completely different

Celebrating our differences

A toast to you

A toast to me

I am me

And you are you

Simply because we want to

And we define ourselves

Why would we leave that to someone else?

And the definitions have changed over the years

We've written in and crossed out

Fears and tears

But also Joy and love

And the one thing that hasn't changed

I remain in yours

You remain in mine

Hopefully till the end of time