My daydreams are filled with
you and me flying
in a sea of marshmellows
I know
reality will never be this fun
I like the dream like quality of your movement
even when your falling
you are such a
graceful clutz
Going through life dreaming
is proving more fun
than reality
A bird with a broken beak
Kept only out of pity
Locked in a caged and stared upon
You picked me cause no one else would
Because your heart is nice and good
But everyone else has a a bird so pretty
I am ugly kept only out out pity
And you tire of me
Even your kind heart cant take it
You want a pretty colorful bird like everyone else
I am set free
It wasn't that hard
I'll fly off
And wont bother you again
The longer you kept me
The more attached i grew
Sad knowing it would end soon
Knowing i was nothing but a bird kept out of pity
My insecurities only fly by night
if i set them free in the light
they run back scared that
they will be seen
and no longer so well hidden
only at night i let my insecurities fly
my insecurities and i
are shy
i walk around
all smiles
so happy and nonchalant
beneath the surface
my facade starts to crack
been wearing this smile for so long
that it hurts
and i keep quiet and let you speak
hiding so well
the outrage beneath
after all
I'm nothing but a small shy girl
with no opinions of my own
no voice with which
i could yell
I was supposed to grow out of these fears
But i haven't
It was supposed to be just a phase
But its not
Hate to burst your bubble
But you were wrong
confusion is a
permanent state of being
for me at this time
I am a hot pink chameleon
I don't blend in like the rest
Something must be broken
'Cause I'm so alarmingly bright
Always standing out
I'm the first one predators see
My reflexes aren't as good
I never learned to hide myself
Only to show my true colors
Even if its hot pink
And never lets me hide
Yeah this is me in high school you know? ;3
When i look at you I see
The son of a bright pink and orange
The marriage of a pulsating neon green
and extravagant yellow
With so brown at blacks at the sides
your hidden sadness
You are the colors of a bright mutated rainbow
Better than the original
You are amazing
Well It's been a while since i've expressed myself out of poetry format but I'm willing to give it a try. Lately i've wrote about friendship's differences and change. All those come from experiences in my life that I've been going through recently.
Let's start with change; change is everywhere and it can be good or bad. Me I had an aversion to change because I loved how things were and I was familiar with it. It didnt seem fair for me to have to leave all that behind. It wasn't but life isn't fair. I was handed lemons and told to make lemonade (okay I'll stop with the cliches now) And for a while I didnt even try I looked at those lemons and was completely clueless so I tossed them to the ground spat on them and walked away.
I spent most of the first month comparing what I lost and what I now had and I came to the conclusion that what I lost was so much more (I still sorta feel that way) In that first month I couldn't write at all as much I wanted to express how I felt when i put it on paper it just didnt look right it was like nothing could capture how I felt.
I can write about it now because once I had time to reflect I saw that my real fear was that everyone I left behind would forget me after years spent together and that these new people wouldnt understand me that I'd be left with no one.
Well all that changed during the second month when I began school I made friends on my first day who invited me to sit with them at lunch and pretty soon I had a group of people I hung with and waved to in the halls and gave hugs to, people who invited me to parties and treated me like I'd been there since the beggining of forever.
I realized that these people didnt have fangs that they were as human as the friends I left behind and I felt so much happier. What made me happier is that I haven't been forgotten everyone still calls and clues me in and my friends remain my friends.
( Bleh I'm not good at this sorta thing i think i'll stick to my poems)
Hey people who read this blog (-5 people), I'm... checking in. So, does anyone remember our 'This I Believe' essays? I do. This is all coming to me as I'm writing (plus probably a little editing at the end) soo... just kinda go along with my informal 'This I Believe'... paragraph.
Today, I read a very very wise thing. I read that (basically... I'm not actually going to quote this) there is a time to reflect and there is a time to recover, and that they are normally two separate times (check out our Humanities teachers' blog). I believe in recovery and reflection.
At night, I often lay in bed and think about my day, start to finish. I think about all the embarrassing moments in my day and all the generally stupid things with bad outcomes that I've done, and what I can learn from them. I learn some pretty interesting things. Today actually, I learned that even when you're going on the elevator and then straight into the pool, you should be fully dressed anyway because you never know when you're going to be stuck in there with a creepy guy all the way down, and you also never know when the pool is going to be closed, and you never know when you're going to be stuck in an elevator with the same creepy guy because he forgot his phone. You never know.
Anyway, what I've realized is that recovery and reflection are some of the most important things you can do in your life. I live in the the moment (I know this sounds totally random, but wait a second, I have a point!), very in the moment. It often leads to me being totally embarrassed by myself in the past when I reflect on it. If I think of my last two 'This I Believe' essays, I still get slightly embarrassed, because now, the future-almost-sophomore year Rosemary looks back at the little eighth grade Rosie, and thinks about how ridiculous she was. But if I really think about it a bit more, I realize that I wasn't ridiculous... I was just acting in the moment. Recovering and reflecting also allows me to pull the lessons I need for life out of my past without being angry at the people and situations that gave me these outcomes.
Basically, what I'm trying to say here is that everyone who reads this (-5 people) should think about what they've done today, how it affects them and anyone else who was with them, and then go back even farther and try and see how different situations in your life have affected you and others. That's all.
Speaking of the past, my present is way cooler. WAY COOLER. I have some amazing close friends, and tons of awesome acquaintances. Everyone I meet has a great attitude and accepts me for my real, raw self (very little of me is uncensored. I say what I want and what I mean, and I do the things that I want to do. I'm a recipe for disaster, I know, but I have very little negativity, so it's great.). I am still single, but it's not because I don't want to be and just can't seem to get out of that situation, I'm actually just okay with it. I was so overwhelmed by friends and amazing people that I felt like my life was full. I'm still getting A's in all my classes, but I'm somehow not a nerd. Right now, I'm in Puerto Rico with one of my amazing close friends, but I can't wait to come home (Amherst home) and I can't wait for school to start.
